2010 Predictions
Predictions for 2010 – in no particular date order. Is it a spoof? Or might some of them come true? It will be interesting to leave these up on the blog and revisit them next Christmas to see how many I got right!!
There will be no legally binding (or effective anyway) climate change agreement in 2010 as Obamateur fails to persuade congress that the USA needs to do their bit too…….. and China, Brazil and India etc. simply don’t engage as it isn’t in their interests to do so. The world heats up so much that even Mary Harney thaws a bit. Somebody will try to assassinate a major western leader and there will be a ‘Mumbai-style’ attack in a European capital. World stock markets will plunge before mid-year. There will be a rash of other smaller terrorist incidents around the globe, aimed at economic targets. It turns out that Al Q’Aeda had set up a hedge fund and were short selling throughout the year. There will be a lot of strikes in Ireland and the rest of Europe…..the worst ones will be in Greece. Some will turn into riots. Sadly, that’s probably not a joke. The argument about NAMA getting credit flowing again becomes irrelevant as nobody wants the banks’ credit anyway. Nobody can then think of a good excuse as to exactly why NAMA was set up then. Lenihan decides to sell back the assets to their original owners for half the price we paid for them. The Irish population are up in arms for five minutes but, before they can get off their backsides, a new series of strictly come cooking bacon sarnies (or some other equally cheaply made reality TV programme) comes on and people turn back to their remote controls. A European country will default on their sovereign debt, causing major problems to European Monetary Union (EMU). Some other smaller countries around the world quickly fall soon afterwards in a domino effect. Gordon Brown steps in to sort it out as usual (well, to tell us he’s saved the world anyway). Bankers find a way around having to pay any tax on bonus payments. A no-brainer really. Unemployment will continue to rise in Ireland (and elsewhere) and will increase ahead of the over-optimistic forecasts of 2009. Banks in particular will shed a lot of jobs and announce a number of outsourcing deals to places like India. Sadly, that’s probably not a joke either. The government will make a case for lowering the minimum wage (and maybe even get away with actually lowering it). Private sector employers will cotton on that they can get away with lowering wages across the board under the guise of ‘competitiveness’. It won’t make Ireland any more ‘competitive’ but it will increase the take home pay of board members. Trebles all round! The price of foodstuffs will shoot up again by Q2, closely followed by oil. Also possibly a no-brainer. The Irish banks, once free of any obligation to the taxpayer/government after they have dumped all their rubbish into NAMA will then put up interest rates fairly early in 2010 (even before the European Central Bank (ECB) puts them up) and as people find themselves unable to make their monthly mortgage payments, the banks will repossess a lot of houses in the second half of 2010 and the government will do nothing about it. Banks become the biggest landlord in the state then realise they’ve shot themselves in the foot as they’ve flooded the market with cheap property. Doh! The phrase “the rate of increase/decrease is slowing down” is voted most naff phrase of 2009. The price of property in Ireland will move even lower and more than 50% of all mortgage holders will find themselves in negative equity. The term ‘strategic default’ enters the Irish lexicon as thousands of people post their keys back to the banks as they are getting on the plane to leave the country. Unfortunately, they place their envelopes containing said keys into the Ryanair complaints box and as it’s never opened, the banks don’t get the keys and are unable to let themselves in to repossess the properties. There will be riots in China as growth figures are not met and unemployment reaches record highs leaving people starving and the Irish government telling us to think how lucky we unemployed are in Ireland as we can at least have bread and water on the table. Emigration figures reach a record high by mid-year. Even ‘wee Daniel’ leaves. Brian Cowen is seen leaving the country but six months later he sends a video to RTE and says he’s just on an extended holiday and signs off with “I’ll be back” in a heavy east European accent. Bankruptcy law in Ireland will be simplified but the 500,000 people who apply can’t get their cases heard for the number of house repossessions the courts are clogged up with. There will be an unexpected budget in Ireland (probably around April) as tax takes continue to fall and it becomes obvious that NAMA is going to lose even more money than thought. Those on social welfare and employed in the public service will get hit even harder this time round as the government keeps using the phrase ‘austerity measures’. Some guy from a school in Chicago flies in and everything owned by the state is sold off to the wealthy for peanuts and the price of everything goes up. Shock therapy abounds. Pension lump sum payments start to attract tax but the rich will find a way around having to pay by buying and then ‘moving’ to Zimbabwe for tax purposes as Robert Mugabe pops his clogs and the new regime will sell it to anyone, even the Irish. Zimbabwe was such a bargain that they then buy up other small African countries to see if they can create any asset bubbles there. The USA will look back at their deficit and debt at the end of 2010 and go “what happened?”. Obamateur will see unplumbed depths of popularity ratings. They will all have a good laugh when it turns out that it’s China who’s really sharing the pain as they bought most of the debt and the $ goes as low as the president’s ratings. There will be an attempt by the central bank to establish an inquiry into why the Irish banking system went so t*ts-up and who actually told the government to implement the bank guarantees and then design NAMA so that none of the elite had to take any financial hits. When those same elites realise that this might be a proper inquiry, that will bring criminal charges, they will fight it tooth and nail. Then it will be discovered that some of those elite had advance warning about the nationalisation of Anglo and sold up before/instead of losing what they had left in it and the what-s-its will really hit the fan. The elites manage to find a couple of innocent scapegoats and their PR machine tidies up the mess. The Irish population are up in arms again but then Nigella Lawson appears on some cheaply produced Irish chat show called The Front Line (It is a chat show isn’t it? It can’t possibly be hard-hitting journalism) and everything gets back to normal. Given how quiet the Israelis have gone (and that’s always a worrying sign), we have to assume that they will be hitting Iran’s nuclear facilities before too long in 2010. The USA will inevitably get involved as they want regime change there anyway (and hey, they’re already fighting wars on two of Iran’s borders….. so why not?). A regional war in the mid-east in 2010 is about all it will need to finish off the western financial system as the flow of oil dries up and shoots up to over $200 a barrel. Suddenly, we find out that actually, the Iranian army are a completely different kettle of fish to the Iraqi’s under Saddam and it all goes a bit pear-shaped. While this is all going on, the Chinese try to pull a stroke somewhere (probably invading Taiwan). Ryanair will get a good deal out of Boeing now that they have pretended to end talks about buying more aircraft. He finally gets to introduce paid for toilets. A person using plain English will get around to properly defining the terms ‘green economy’ and ‘smart economy’. Ireland will then realise that actually, it isn’t likely to have either at some point in the future. So we go back to ‘old economy’ and find we haven’t got one of those left either. Somebody will claim to have found the face of someone holy in a crisp/tree stump/piece of chocolate and will sell it on Ebay for millions. Someone else will find the face of a spud in a Brian Cowen. A new political party will start up in Ireland, representing the unemployed, low paid and an assortment of others who are generally hacked off with the current lot. I will probably start it!! Bulletin boards will become reality TV as the media sink to new lows. Jedward become the ‘Ant and Dec’ of Ireland. Simon Cowell becomes editor of the Financial Times. You couldn’t make it up. IBM invent the paperless toilet to go with the paperless (as if) office. Merry Christmas everyone. If next year turns out to be only half as bad as above, it will be better than I think it’s going to be.
Brian Cowen will call a snap election when he thinks that there is no real support for the opposition. Meanwhile, Brian Lenihan will usurp him as party leader before the election actually takes place. Brian Cowen then defects to Labour and completely spoils their chances too.
Fine Gael will replace Enda Kenny as he continues to make no progress against a government that you would have thought any able opposition leader could have brought down by now. In the ensuing scramble to replace him, Richard Bruton gets tripped up by George Lee and takes his ball home.
The ECB will put up their interest rates in the second half of 2010 as France and Germany’s inflation moves higher – regardless of what’s best for the other European countries. Irish banks will then put up their interest rates again and claim that ‘God made them do it’.
There will be a major sex scandal involving a member of the government/cabinet in Ireland (and the UK). At least, that’s what the papers will say anyway and we get to see our first major court case using the new defamation laws.
Ireland win a second grand slam and Leinster win the Heineken cup again. Now I really am dreaming so it’s time for me to go.
Ho ho ho!
Comment by Santa — December 21, 2009 @ 1:04 pm
Hi jani,i got very interest in you, it would be my luch to beocme your fiend,you are the most beautifull and sweet girl of my world,please accept me as your fiend.this is my contact, or sms me to0092- 300 58 555 81awaiting for you my dear,with love and care for you,how sweet you are
Comment by Raaj — July 5, 2012 @ 8:23 am
VgtFho hqfopexfjgpl
Comment by wwzhpf — July 8, 2012 @ 1:13 pm
Ever considered adding some different viewings to your article? I think it might enhance everyone’s understanding.
Comment by hermes bags — October 12, 2012 @ 1:39 am
Good.
Comment by expert advice — December 24, 2012 @ 12:57 am